Managing through times of transition
As they transition to a butterfly, caterpillars completely dissolve and reassemble into a completely new bug. Maybe you know how that feels!
Often, we talk about how when one thing ends, another begins.
A door closes, a window opens.
We refer to transition as if it’s seamless. End and start happening, back-to-back.
But for many of these seasonal changes, it’s not smooth at all, but a period of stops and starts and stops again. Instead of being able to hop through that metaphorical open window, you’re instead stuck waiting, feeling trapped in that room. The door has closed, but a window has not yet opened.
This can be a very frustrating and anxiety provoking time.
If you could only know when that next beautiful opportunity, that blessed fresh start would begin, then perhaps you could enjoy the stillness. Make it a time of reflection. A rare moment to ‘do nothing’ in life, instead of fretting this time away, trying to combat, or even just succumbing to wallowing in feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty.
Navigating job loss & Other transitions
In 2009, I experienced my first job loss. During a time when economies were crashing, the business unit (a bank) that I was working for was actually a powerhouse of profit. Ironically, its success is exactly why the bank decided to sell off the asset (it had worth). When this happened, myself, and all of my colleagues were laid off and provided severance. I was still young enough to feel that the world was full of possibilities for me then, and I had also finished my post graduate certificate in public relations, offering me a new skill set and potentially, new doors to open.
I look back on this time though, and I’m not filled with any feelings that are warm and fuzzy. There was no time of relaxation or exploration, there was only a foreboding and a sense of desperation to find that next job opportunity. To settle my life. People all around me were telling me to relax and enjoy the time, but it didn’t seem to me, at the time, that sitting back was the way to make progress happen.
After hundreds of job applications, my next opportunity ended up being an unpaid internship in Toronto. Thanks to my severance, I was able to seize the chance to keep my resume gap free, but after months of work and expense, I learned that the agency I was working for regularly hired ‘unpaid interns’ chronically, and absolutely never converted anyone to staff members.
I do wonder what I might have done differently, or how things could have turned out if I’d instead taken the time to pursue a different track or learning. But… I don’t have any regrets. And when I look back at that version of myself, I have a lot of compassion. The unrelenting drive that I’ve always had, had been a brutal force in my life, but it had propelled me forward through a home life that was fraught with tension and tragedy.
Now though, with more time and several other large transitions under my belt, the way that I’m looking at these periods of ‘in between’ is shifting. Now, I approach them with more ease, more confidence, more intuition, and less fear and frustration.
After all, job loss is only one example of how change comes to us in life. In reality, transition occurs often.
The time between the end of a work day, and the moment you arrive home.
The time between having a newborn and a toddler.
The time between moving from one home to the next.
The time between the moment we decide we want to make a change in life, life getting healthy, starting a writing practice, or launching a business, and the time when we have our next steps.
The transitions are micro and macro, and overall, we humans are not great at managing them. Our lives are highly distracted. We’re used to running on autopilot in many ways, including running through our emotions, but not processing them.
Sitting in discomfort and letting life unfold is profoundly un-North-American like.
Changing focus from feeling trapped to seeing choices
But I think many people are feeling a calling to a different way of living. A way that is more connected, intentional, in touch, and intuitive. A life that prioritises self-care and overall health above economic interests. The pace of change is blinding. The fear that it can bring, for instance, how AI has caused panic over the future of the job market, is unsustainable. We’re being pushed to constantly evolve. So how do we do it with less pain, and more excitement? Less of a view on scarcity, and more of a focus on opportunity?
And certainly, as I write this, I’m thinking of how I’m currently riding the wave of this transition. Becoming the next evolution of myself - letting go of the drive that once held me scrambling for control and pushing me to climb a corporate ladder, and transitioning to a more fluid state. A person who is connected to herself, her values, and prioritises what truly matters.
I’ve heard a few pieces of advice on how to manage through transitions, particularly when you’re in that place of limbo.
Sit in discomfort
The only way to move through the emotions of this time is to allow yourself to experience them. Acknowledge how you feel, but also acknowledge that a feeling and a fact are not the same. For instance, you may feel hopeless, but in fact, your situation is not hopeless. Things can and do change all the time.
Focus on what you can control
And on the above note, while you’re feeling all the feelings about this time where seemingly nothing is in your control, make sure to place some focus on the aspects of your life that are within your control. For instance, you can shower each day and get dressed. You can tidy your home. Choose what you read. Choose nourishing food over junk. Choose to move your body.
List out your options
The point with this one is not to necessarily be realistic. Let me explain. Let’s say that you lost your job in corporate finance where you had a high salary and you’re worried about where your next opportunity will come from, as well as how to pay your bills. You can consider that in the meantime, you may take a job that’s outside of your field of expertise, but will provide you with some much needed funds to float your expenses. You might consider ditching your expensive apartment and moving to a more affordable place, or getting a roommate. You could choose to focus on networking and setting up coffee dates with everyone you know for the next three months, and if no opportunity arises, enact a phase two of your plan (e.g. a menial job for the meantime). While none of these options may be your first choice, there is something about seeing that there are options that allow your mental state to shift from feeling absolutely stuck, to a little less so.
Help someone else
There’s nothing like the feel-good boost you get from being able to help support someone else. Doing so is a nice reminder that you’re not the only person who may feel like you’re struggling in life, as well as the fact that you have the ability to create good in the world at the same time.
Practice self-compassion
This is a little like sitting in discomfort, but with the added focus on being kind to yourself through the process. For instance, you may feel like a failure when you yelled at your kids to get ready in the morning, especially since you had time to cool down on the drive into work. Acknowledge that you have an opportunity to show them, at pickup, how to maturely manage emotions that all humans (especially kids) experience, like frustration - and what to do when we make a misstep. You can apologise to your kids and tell them how you thought of different ways you could have handled that once your body calmed down. And also, for yourself, acknowledge that you are only human and that you have a full range of emotions and triggers too. This life is a learning experience, and as we go along, we can learn and get better.
Reach out to a friend or speak to therapist
There’s nothing more isolating than forging through change alone. We are social creatures and we’re meant to share, learn, be guided and provide guidance. When we are facing a struggle, it’s easy to place a lot of judgement upon ourselves, but when we share our struggle with others we get to see a more compassionate side of the situation. And on the note of therapy, if you’re lucky enough to have the financial resources to go to therapy, I’m a huge advocate. I’ve heard that it’s impossible to ‘read the label from inside the jar,’ and I think that a trained therapist can be an amazing resource to lean on in order to uncover what’s really going on (it’s often deeper than the problem that you think is the issue) and provide solid guidance on how to navigate through.
Remember: This too shall pass
There’s a reason why the saying, “The only constant in life is change,” exists. Life demands an ebb and flow, and whether our current situation is ideal or less so, there will be a time of change that turns it on its face.
So throughout these fluxes, remember to trust in your own resiliency. You’ve made it this far in life and have managed through many challenges, and you will manage through this one too.