Leaders vs. bosses
What is a boss? <- asking for a 4YO.
Yesterday, my oldest confided that a friend told her that he was the boss, but that she “knew that wasn’t true and that parents are the boss. Right mom?”
“Wellllll…” I said. “Parents aren’t really your boss. We’re more like your teachers and your guides. Helping you learn how to live on your own.”
“So what’s a boss?” she asked.
“A boss is someone at work who just tells you what to do,” I said.
And while I didn’t elaborate further for her (at 4YO she was pretty happy with the above answer), for my professional friends here, that question sparked more thoughts for me on what it means to have authority at work & here’s how I’d sum up the difference between two ways of embodying said authority: a boss vs. a leader:
Qualities of a boss:
Is prescriptive
Uses intimidation and shame to motivate
Upholds a zero tolerance for mistakes
Believes fear and respect are the same thing
Withholds mentorship, believing instead in perpetual perfection
Is defined only by title and rank
Influences downwardly, only
Qualities of a leader
Leads with empathy, curiosity and a respect for the people they’re leading
Sees the leader/employee relationship as a two way street of leading and learning from one another
Allows for questions, makes room for the vulnerability of not having the answer, and encourages collaboration to design a way forward together
Protects the dignity of their team members, creating psychologically safe spaces.
Stays solutions-focused in the face of mistakes
Are clear about expectations and non-negotiables (after all, in some industries mistakes can cost millions or worse, lead to loss of life)
Has influence that goes in all directions - upwards, downwards and laterally.
Is not defined or constrained by title and rank
And while leaders can sometimes cross into boss territory, for example, at times being prescriptive in what they need done, bosses don’t cross over into leadership.
They just… can’t.
I’m sure you’ve known a boss…and I’m sure you’ve known a great leader.
What did I miss?